It’s been nearly 20 years, but I can still remember tightening my toes and digging into the batter’s box.
I can still see the dust I kicked up covering my new Air Jordans — how I looked back at the dugout and winked at my teammates as they pleaded for a game-winning grand slam.
I can picture the 18-year-old me pointing to the treeline behind the left field fence.
I see myself calling my shot before taking a massive cut — and walking the bases as the ball soared toward a horizon that had been kissed, as the sun set, with bursts of pink and orange.
But until Thursday evening, I never thought about talking about what happened as I rounded third — how I fell to my knees and wept, uncontrollably; how I failed to make it to home plate.
I’ve kept that memory hidden for two decades because those few moments were among the most personal and introspective of my life. And for a teenage boy to own the emotion that poured out of me that day felt almost weak.
As I grew older, the memory surfaced from time to time.
It was there when I watched the Atlanta Braves take the field on Opening Day and when I attended Durham Bulls games with my daughter.
But it really hit me Thursday evening when both the Charles B. Aycock and Goldsboro High School football teams were eliminated from the state playoffs.
You see, I was alone on the diamond that day.
There was no crowd or opposing team.
School had dismissed some two hours before I approached the batter’s box, so other than a teacher or two, I had the campus to myself.
The crack of the bat, my team cheering me on, those were just figments of my imagination.
I needed them the day after our team lost in the state playoffs my senior year at Durham Academy.
Coming to terms with the finality of that chapter of my life broke me. And as irrational as it seems to me now, back then, I felt that by not being part of a team that won a championship, I was a failure — that it had all been for nothing, that I had let my school and family down.
So, I found myself late Thursday evening driving back from Jacksonville hoping the senior Golden Falcons and Cougars knew better than I did when I was their age.
Because the truth is, no trophy could do justice to what those young men have accomplished in their four years at their respective schools.
The shame of Charles B. Aycock and Goldsboro High being eliminated from the North Carolina High School Athletic Association Football Championships has nothing to do with the absence of title banners hanging in the schools’ gymnasiums a decade from now.
At least, it shouldn’t.
It’s the people — and the irreplaceable contributions they make to their communities without even knowing it — that we will miss.
What hurts is knowing that local sports fans will never again see Taevian Jackson stiff-arm his way to the endzone, bouncing off defenders and literally dragging opponents across the goal line.
We won’t get to let that young man teach us about toughness and watch him, bruised and limping, step back in line next to his quarterback to be there for his brothers.
We won’t feel the thrill when Jykeis Mclean intercepts a pass and takes it to the house. We’ll miss his lessons on the joy — the pure joy — that comes with letting it all go on the field.
We won’t get to witness the brotherhood forged among these particular rosters because without those seniors who will be turning their tassels in a few months, their teams won’t feel the same come August.
And yes, there is something about a Friday night in Pikeville that felt particularly warm this season. It reminded us that community still exists in a nation that feels more and more fractured every day.
So while it would be easy to gloss over the accomplishments of our local football players and turn our attention to basketball — and many of us, including some players who compete on the hardwoods when their football seasons wrap up, will do just that — we should take a few moments to reflect on just how lucky we were to be along for the GHS and CBA rides this fall.
And as a community, we should remind our student-athletes — not just in Pikeville and Goldsboro, but across the county — that a successful season is about more than hoisting a trophy.
If they are anything like me, they probably won’t realize it until they have families of their own.
But the Golden Falcons are champions because they lifted up their quarterback’s spirits when he went down with a season-ending injury last year. And then, this fall, they welcomed him back to the lineup and allowed him to lead as if he was never sidelined.
They are worthy of a title because they stayed together after three consecutive losses and exploded for 60 points at rival Eastern Wayne to close out the regular season.
And the Cougars could have folded when their starting quarterback broke his collar bone during the pre-season. But instead, they rallied behind a sophomore and won two county rivalry games and made a return to the playoffs.
Players from both teams learned something about overcoming adversity and refusing to give up in the face of it.
And they taught us something about the power of friendship, loyalty and empathy.
In that respect, they enjoyed victories that will last a lifetime.
And those wins won’t be tucked away in trophy cases and forgotten as soon as the next state title comes home to Wayne County.
